When Elijah was about 10 months old, I remember Leesha and I sitting in the lounge at 11pm, Googling “when do babies start walking.” We’d been to a play date that afternoon and another child — two months younger than Elijah — was already cruising along the furniture.

We spiralled. Was something wrong? Were we doing something wrong? Should we call the paediatrician?

Elijah walked at 14 months. Completely normal. The other child was just early. But we’d spent three weeks quietly panicking because we didn’t have a reference point that told us the actual range of “normal.”

If you’ve ever searched “is my child on track” at 11pm, this post is for you. Not to make you more anxious. To give you the map we wished we’d had.

A note about milestones and the CDC 75th percentile

In 2022, the CDC and AAP made a significant change that most parents — and most apps — don’t know about. They moved their milestone thresholds from the 50th percentile to the 75th percentile.

What that means in plain language: the milestones listed below are things that 75% of children can do by the stated age. If your child hasn’t reached a milestone, they’re not “slightly behind.” They’re in the bottom 25% for that skill — which is a signal to pay attention, not to panic.

This is important because the old “wait and see” advice was built on the 50th percentile. The new standard is deliberately tighter. It exists to catch delays earlier, while the developmental window is still wide open.

The four pillars: what we track and why

Most milestone lists track cognitive and physical skills. We track four pillars because that’s what the research says actually matters:

Physical — motor skills, body awareness, movement foundations
Personal — emotional regulation, social connection, resilience
Potential — cognitive growth, language, thinking and academic skills
Purpose — identity, character, spiritual formation, meaning

Here’s what to look for at each age.

0–3 months

Physical: Lifts head briefly during tummy time. Opens and closes hands.

Personal: Shows a social smile in response to your face. Makes eye contact when held close. These are significant — absence of social smile or eye contact at this age is a primary screening marker.

Potential: Turns head toward sounds. Coos and makes gurgling sounds.

Purpose: Calms when picked up and spoken to gently. Responds to familiar voices.

3–6 months

Physical: Holds head steady without support. Reaches for and grasps toys.

Personal: Laughs and squeals. Recognises familiar people and smiles at them.

Potential: Follows objects with eyes in all directions. Babbles with consonant sounds — ba, da, ma.

Purpose: Shows different responses to different caregivers. Enjoys looking at faces and mirrors.

6–12 months

Physical: Sits without support. Picks up small objects with thumb and finger (pincer grasp).

Personal: Shows separation anxiety with strangers — this is actually a good sign, not a problem. Points at objects to show interest (proto-declarative pointing — a critical social milestone).

Potential: Responds to own name consistently. Says first words with meaning — mama, dada.

Purpose: Looks where you point. Waves bye-bye.

12–18 months

Physical: Walks independently. Stacks two or more blocks.

Personal: Shows you a toy to share interest. Copies other children during play.

Potential: Uses 3–5 single words. Follows simple instructions like “give me the ball.” Absence of single words by 18 months is a red flag marker.

Purpose: Enjoys simple pretend play. Shows empathy when another child cries.

18–24 months

Physical: Kicks a ball forward. Uses a spoon with some spilling.

Personal: Shows a range of emotions. Plays alongside other children (parallel play).

Potential: Combines two words — “more milk,” “daddy go.” Absence of two-word phrases by 24 months is a red flag. Points to body parts when named.

Purpose: Begins to say “no” and assert preferences. Recognises self in mirror.

2–3 years

Physical: Runs without falling frequently. Turns book pages one at a time.

Personal: Takes turns with guidance. Uses words to express feelings.

Potential: Speaks in 3+ word sentences. Sorts by shape or colour.

Purpose: Asks “why” questions about everything. Shows care for younger children or pets.

3–4 years

Physical: Catches a large ball. Draws circles and copies letters.

Personal: Plays cooperatively. Manages frustration without always hitting or biting.

Potential: Tells a simple story. Counts to 10.

Purpose: Understands basic rules of fairness. Talks about what they want to be when they grow up.

4–5 years

Physical: Hops on one foot. Uses scissors to cut along a line.

Personal: Follows rules in group games. Names emotions in others.

Potential: Speaks clearly enough for strangers to understand. Writes own name or attempts to.

Purpose: Asks questions about God, death, or meaning. Shows pride in achievements.

5–6 years (Grade R)

Physical: Catches a small ball with hands only. Ties shoes or buttons a shirt.

Personal: Resolves minor conflicts using words. Shows empathy and comforts friends.

Potential: Reads simple words. Adds and subtracts small numbers.

Purpose: Understands the concept of helping others. Can describe what makes them unique.

6–7 years (Grade 1)

Physical: Rides a bicycle. Writes legibly on lined paper.

Personal: Manages disappointment. Forms and maintains friendships.

Potential: Reads age-appropriate books independently. Solves simple word problems.

Purpose: Demonstrates honesty even when difficult. Participates in family and community activities.

7–9 years

Physical: Participates in organised sport. Shows refined fine motor control.

Personal: Handles peer pressure. Expresses complex emotions and discusses why they feel a certain way. Demonstrates resilience — bounces back when things don’t go as planned.

Potential: Reads chapter books and summarises them. Uses logical reasoning. Writes structured paragraphs.

Purpose: Shows personal responsibility. Identifies personal strengths. Begins to form personal beliefs about fairness and meaning.

What to do with this information

If you’ve read through this and you’re quietly worried about one or two areas — that’s actually a good place to be. You know. Most parents don’t find out until a teacher tells them in Term 2 of Grade R.

Here’s what I’d suggest:

If everything looks on track: Keep going. Reassess in 3–4 months. The free assessment we built tracks all four pillars in more detail.

If one pillar is below where you’d expect: Don’t Google more. Focus. Spend 15 minutes a day doing one intentional activity in that pillar. Movement for Physical. Feelings conversations for Personal. Reading together for Potential. Identity and character questions for Purpose.

If something is a red flag (no words by 18 months, no phrases by 24 months, loss of skills at any age, absence of eye contact): Book an appointment with a developmental paediatrician. Don’t wait. The earlier the intervention, the better the outcome. Every month matters.

Take the free 5-minute assessment across all four pillars →

— Alton