Elijah is our eldest. Born 2019. He’s an introvert — he’s always been that way.
Noah is two years younger. A COVID baby, technically. He is the most social child you’ve ever met. Walks into a play date, makes three friends in 90 seconds.
Same parents. Same house. Same diet. Same bedtime stories. Two completely different children.
When Elijah was small and we’d take him to play dates, he’d just stay glued to me or Leesha. He didn’t want to go play with the other kids. We did what most parents do — we worried. We worried he was being rejected. We worried about the long-term emotional impact. So we pushed him.
We were wrong.
Pushing an introverted child into social situations they’re not ready for doesn’t help them socialise. It teaches them that social situations come with parental pressure. We were doing more damage than good with the best intentions.
Why “every child develops at their own pace” is both true and misleading
You’ve heard it a thousand times. “Don’t worry, every child develops at their own pace.” It’s the most common reassurance in every WhatsApp parenting group, every grandmother’s advice, every paediatrician’s waiting room.
And it’s true — to a point.
Yes, Elijah and Noah reached their physical milestones at different ages. Elijah walked at 14 months. Noah was cruising at 11 months. Both completely normal. The range of “normal” is wider than most parents realise.
But here’s where the advice becomes dangerous: “every child develops at their own pace” has become code for “don’t bother checking.” It’s become the wait-and-see culture’s favourite phrase. And it masks the difference between a child who’s developing at their own pace and a child who’s falling behind.
The fundamental building blocks of development don’t change between an Elijah and a Noah. Physical, Personal, Potential, Purpose — both children need all four pillars. But the path to those building blocks is different. The pace is different. The entry point is different.
You have to understand your specific child — track the actual data — and then meet them where they are, not where the checklist says they should be.
What the data showed us about our own kids
When we ran both boys through the Zedek assessment, the results were fascinating. Elijah scored high on Potential (cognitive, language — the introverted thinker) and Purpose (he’s deeply reflective for his age). But his Personal pillar — social-emotional connection — was lower than we expected.
Noah was the opposite. Personal pillar through the roof. The child makes friends with lampposts. But his Potential scores were lower — not because he’s less intelligent, but because his social nature means he’d rather play than sit and focus on a task.
Same household. Same parents. Two completely different developmental profiles. And each profile tells us exactly where to focus.
For Elijah: gentle social exposure in small groups, with no pressure. Play dates with one friend, not five. Conversation about feelings, not forced group activities.
For Noah: structured focus activities. Reading together with minimal distractions. Games that require waiting and patience. The cognitive foundation he needs but isn’t naturally drawn to.
Generic advice would have told us to do the same thing with both children. The data told us to do opposite things.
What this means for you
If you have more than one child, you already know this intuitively: what works for one doesn’t work for the other. But intuition without data is just guessing in the right direction.
The assessment doesn’t tell you what’s wrong with your child. It tells you what’s true about your child. Where they’re strong. Where they need support. And which pillar to focus on this month.
Every child is different. The framework has to be smart enough to meet each one where they actually are.
Take the free assessment for each of your children →
— Alton